Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Ten People That Need To Go Away

There is an amazing scene in the movie 25th Hour where Edward Norton's character blasts every ethnic, economic and social group in New York City. I found myself doing something similar; although for good reason. The items on this list probably earn the ire of anyone with common sense. Go ahead, turn on your TV. I guarantee at least one of these things is on.


TMZ/Jon-Kate/Balloon Boy/Kardashians and all the other scum sucking parasites that are destroying society from the inside out. I don't even know who most of them are and yet they offend me by existing. Drop dead.

Glenn Beck: You brought down a White House czar, publicized the acorn scandal and humiliated that idiot White House communication director. 'America' has had enough. Now disappear.

Keith Olbermann: Being uncontrollably aroused every time Obama reads a teleprompter is no reason to be on every time I flip to MSNBC. Your show is watched by no one and you are NOT funny. You've even managed to ruin Sunday Night Football. Go away.

Vampires: Seriously? Comical blood suckers are a multi million dollar industry? Esquire magazine thinks its because young straight girls want to have sex with gay men. If only "Blade" had paid his taxes.

Joe Biden: One would think after 25+ years of blowing hot air and being wrong on almost every major foreign policy issue, you'd stop repeating the pattern. But alas, old habits die hard. Although it does help when you voice your opinion on issues. It tells people exactly what not to do. But still, be like Dick Cheney and go to that undisclosed location. Oh wait, you told everyone about it. Its okay, no one really listens to you. Now scram.

Vince Vaughn/Will Ferrell: When it wasn't funny the first time, why would it be funny the next 20 times? Stop making the same movies over and over again. Take a hint from Napoleon Dynamite. Piss off.
(Exceptions: Old school, Swingers)

Sarah Palin: Your team lost. Its over. No one cares what you have to say. Especially on your Facebook page. Go do some actual work. Start with punching that ex son-in-law of yours.

Jimmy Carter: See Joe Biden. Add wimp and senile. No one cared what you had to say even when you actually mattered. As George W Bush so eloquently stated, 'If I'm ever eighty six and acting like this, someone put me away'.

Twitter: It is for twits and attention whores. No CNN, I do not want to follow you on Twitter. How about the radical idea of following you on CNN? Does that still work? Here's a tweet: 'F*** off'.

Barack Obama: Its called the Oval Office. Its designed to work on problems facing the nation. Use it. Even President Bartlet wasn't on TV as much as you are. People are homeless and jobless, soldiers are dying and the deficit has 13 digits in it. For the sake of the country, develop a spine, take responsibilty and accomplish something.

Brett Favre: Actually, no. Stay Brett. You make my Sundays. And Mondays, when I read about your exploits. And Tuesdays, when I watch SportsCenter for the 10th time.

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